Made it Through My Meltdown

Alright, I feel after re-reading my last post, I need to update all that a week later and I am much much better. I guess I just needed to get past that last milestone of sad reminders of what we lost. I made it........ I survived.

Thanksgiving morning, while in my kitchen by myself, getting our turkey ready for the oven, I stood and cried and then cried some more. I got the turkey in, and leashed up my dogs and decided to go for a nice long early morning walk with the pups. There is a really pretty pond down across the street from where we live, and it was so quiet and peaceful, no one was out and about, so my dogs and I enjoyed a nice long walk. One of those nice ones, where they are more than content doing their "doggie" things and you get just get lost in your own thoughts.

I sat on a bench and pondered some thoughts that had been running through my head, and worked through what was making my heart ache. About 45 mins later we headed back home and I felt much much better about things.

C. and I also had a talk, and have decided it was time to get back in the game. I think a huge part of all my doom and gloom has been magnified by the fact that we have been on a break. Don't get me wrong, we BOTH very much needed the break we took. Our hearts were heavy and our emotions were drained. Had we continued on, I don't know that either of us would have ended up in a very good place. So we made the right choice back in July to take a break, and now I believe in my heart that we are once again making the right choice by jumping back in.

We are doing a medicated cycle (Injectibles) however we will be doing TI this month. I just cannot justify doing an OOP IUI cycle with it being December and shelling out the extra money. We had previously talked with both our sides of the family, and with friends that we always exchange gifts with, and we all agreed to cut way back this year on spending (and agreed to not do gifts with some friends at all this year), however I know my immediate family doesn't really do well with "cutting back"--at the time we all think we are cutting back, but then when we sit with piles of gifts in front of us, we again swear that we all did way too much and will have to do better cutting back next year. So I don't feel "okay" with spending $$ on and IUI until after the new year.

I hope and pray we won't have to get to that point. The month we did get PG was a clomid cycle and TI, so we know it has happened in the past, so why not again right?

I don't really know how much I'll blog about this cycle, as sometimes it tends to fuel my madness and obsessing.........we'll see. Maybe not broadcasting every last intimate detail of whats going on with me might do the trick and help us get to our goal....... (that and the fact that I always seem to jinx myself by talking about stuff I should just keep to myself, but in excitement and hopefulness end up sharing with others.)

Anyhow-- that is what is new with me, this week, and I pray that my meltdowns will stay at bay, atleast until my 2 WW starts anyways........