My Heart Still Aches!

So, over on the TTTC board, I kept trying to fix my siggy as part of the code for my M/C siggy kept showing, no matter how I tried to fix it (and of course for some reason, I kept getting more and more nervous that I was somehow going to completly erase the Loss counter, and I guess in my mind I thought that would mean I'd forget how long it'd been since we lost our little one--- I know, I know, we won't ever forget, but as a person dealing with IF and M/C for a long time now, you panic and get crazy about the silliest little things).
So, I created a new counter, loaded the new code into my siggy, and checked a previous post to see if it all worked correctly, and as soon as I saw it, I started bawling!!!!!!!!
My old counter had an angel and a little teddy bear I think, (this proves my neurosis-- I just got rid of the old one and I can't even remember what the graphics were on it, however I was petrified of loosing it). The new one, as you can see above, has an actual little baby on it as the counter marker..... I guess looking at a little bity wee one instead of just a countdown of days was a big smack of reality.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about the little one we lost. To this day, for some reason I am still convinced it was a little boy, our little Aiden Richard (Richard after my dad who passed away). My heart aches daily for our little one. If we hadn't suffered a m/c, our little one would be six months old right now!!!
Instead, here I sit, with empty arms, an aching heart and tears rolling down my face in the middle of the afternoon.

I just don't know. I have other things on my mind I want to write about, but I guess I'll save them for another day or another blog and let my angel have this post all to himself.

I love you little one, your footprints are on my heart forever and always.