My "Dear Baby" Letter....

Well, I've been on the fence wanting to write a "Dear Baby" letter to my little one that I pray to God is snuggling in as I type this, but I've been having trouble writing it. Its almost like I feel too vulnerable to write it, but I still feel so compelled to write it anyways, so here it goes:

Dear Wee One,
I just want you to know how very much you are wanted. How much you have been prayed for, for years now it seems. Both daddy and I yearn to welcome you to our world, to our lives, to our hearts. For so long we have wanted you, to complete our family. Your daddy and I love each other very very much, but we need you to complete the little part that is missing to make our lives' whole. We have cried for you, prayed for you, struggled to get you here, and will do everything we can to show you each and every minute of your life how very much we love you and how much you mean to us.

I pray that you will join us and be part of our life. I pray that you will have your daddy's big brown eyes and laid back temperment. I pray that you have my little nose and sense of humor. I pray that you will have the best parts of your daddy and the best parts of me all wrapped up into one little miracle of life that you will be.

You will have sooooo many people who will love you so very much and have wished and hoped for you just like daddy and I. There's MeMe Loretta (My mom) who has hoped and prayed for you to join us for years now. She will spoil you like no one else could ever come close to doing. She will steal you away every chance she gets and love you to pieces. She's always wanted a grandbaby to spoil rotten and you are just the perfect baby for the job. Grandpa John will spoil you like crazy too, and will teach you how to bowl when you get old enough!! There's Uncle Rich and Aunt Sue, who although they live kinda far away, will take pride and joy in spoiling you and loving you up every chance they get.

Then there is Grandma Donna and Grandpa Frank....... there is tons of love to be had from them as well. Grandpa Frank will surely teach you how to golf as soon as your old enough, and Grandma Donna will love you up and spoil you lots too!

The list goes on and on of all the people who would love nothing more than for you to join us and be part of our loving family.

There will never be alot of things I ask of you as my child, except to accept and give love, be a good person, and know you can always trust your daddy and I. The only other thing I want to ask of you, is to please snuggle into me, your mommy, and get nice and comfy and enjoy the ride for the next 9 months while you grow big and strong in mommy's belly.

Always remember how much daddy and I love you and how badly we want you to join us and be part of our family, our hearts, and our souls. I hope and pray in four or five days we get the BIG news we are desperately hoping for, and we'll know that you've heard our prayers and want to be with us as much as we want to be with you.

Love Always,
Your Mommy
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Okay, now that I have gotten that off my chest, I feel better, and it turns out not so vulnerable afterall. It feels good to put it down on "virtual" paper, as it makes it more real.

Today I am 8dpiui (for those not up on the lingo is 8 days past IUI).
I had alot of cramping days 1-4 past IUI. The last several mornings I've had some waves of nausea while at work (and at home), and one morning I even though my blood sugar might be low, so I checked it at work, and it was fine. I have been really tired and have taken a nap every day in the afternoon for the last 4 days and have been having jabs of pain in my bb's here and there. Today I have been having dull achy pains in my lower abdominal area, mostly on the right side. They actually start kinda sharp and then go dull and achy and then after a few minutes it fades away, then comes back a while later. I try and compare what I am feeling these past few days with how I felt when I was PG back in November, but I didn't know I was actually PG in the days leading up to my BFP so I don't really remember what I felt in those days leading up to it, aside from having weird spotting and wondering why the hell AF wasn't coming with all the spotting.

In alot of ways, I don't want any symptoms to be the same as when I got PG before, because it ended in a m/c and I'm afraid that if I feel the same things as before, it could end up a repeat of the last time.

I have been testing out the trigger (with OPk's because I keep forgetting to buy $ store tests) and this morning was very very faint, so hopefully tomorrow mornings' will show nothing and then when I do work up the guts to test, we'll know its not the trigger.

I did talk with C. to see if he wants to be home/with me when I test this month. (I usually sneak in a dollar store cheapie without him knowing and its usually right before AF shows her ugly ass, so that I don't crash from the disappointment so badly). C. says he'd really like to be with me when I test this month. (the month we got a bfp I woke him up at 430 am before I went to work, to make him look at the faintest bfp ever...... so faint that he told me not to get my hopes up and wait til I tested with something NOT from the dollar store..... then I tested that night while he was at work, and when the diggie popped up PG, I jumped in the car and drove to his job to show him. It wasn't the most romantic, exciting way to do it, but I couldn't have waited til he got home at 11 pm that night .....) So this time, I think he's hoping to be a bit more involved in it, and I'm fine with that, he can jump up and down with me in pure utter joy when we get good news!!!

As it stands now, I think we will test on Thursday morning as we are both off from work that day. That will be 12 dpo which may be a little too early, but hopefully not.

So here's to lots more wishful thinking, prayers and one great big GIANT BFP on Thursday. So if you have any extra baby dust to sprinkle my way I'd surely appreciate it!!