Deep Thoughts.......by Jack Handy

** I started this blog with a different title, but then it started going in all different directions so I have retitled it rather appropriately I think!**

And in honor of today's blog title, I will re-start it with a quote from Jack Handy himself.

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."

Not for any reason in particular, it just is a better day. I made it through the "anniversary"of the day I got my BFP, and managed to survive it. I actually think the couple days leading up to it were almost harder than the actual day for some reason, but none the less, I made it through yet another sad milestone. Now I guess there is just one left to make it through, the anniversary of the day I m/c'd.

I've said it many times in previous blogs, but it is just so strange to me how easy it is for me to recall all my thoughts, feelings and emotions from each day that ticks by......... a YEAR ago. In the days after I got my BFP, I could easily tell you what I did each of those days in the first week or two after our good news. I went to Disney World, I went shopping for a new shower curtain for my bathroom I had painted right before I got my BFP, I remember how worn out I was after going shopping,, and came home and took a nap, and I remember exactly where I took that nap, and the position I laid in ............ Bizarre right??

I guess in someway, maybe its my subconscious holding onto things. Maybe I'm scared that I won't get to experience it again, so I'm clinging to the memories I do have from before. Maybe its because I don't really have anything but my memories to remember my baby by. I don't have an U/S picture to cling to, I don't have anything solid to remember my angel by, except my medical records from my old RE's office, where it is noted in detail about my M/C. Pretty sad huh??

I've been coming across alot of info online regarding using Positivity in Infertility in helping to get PG....... and I have to be honest here. I'm having a really hard time buying into it. Maybe its the shitty IF hand I've been dealt? Maybe, its the shitty hand I've been dealt all around in my life, not just when it comes to TTC? Everything I've ever gotten in my life, I've had to work really really hard for....... and I'm totally cool with that. I think its made me a better and stronger person because of it. I wouldn't want anything just handed to me. Where's the life experience in that??? I would however appreciate a break now and then......just a little something to make life a LITTLE easier.

So back to the positivity thing. I'm trying to be open to it. I'm trying to not be dismissive about it and trying to not just write it off as crap. I guess it will have to be a work in progress. I've had people suggest I read that book "The Secret", but I just can't bring myself to read it. I just can't deal with others telling me the whole cliche thing. " If you just relax and think positively, I bet you'll get PG". S.E.R.I.O.U.S.L.Y??? Hmmmmmm..... to think 2 RE's should have been able to tell me that almost three years ago when we started this whole shitty TTC journey, and if it were truly the case, then I'd have atleast 2 kids by now right?

Bottom line....... if your body doesn't work right (whether it be PCOS like in my case, or Endo, or that your body won't cooperate in allowing implantation etc), your body doesn't work right..... and all the positive thinking in the world won't make a bit of difference......... It just won't!

So we'll see where this whole Positivity thing gets me....... those who know me well know I am not a Pessimist. I am a REALIST. This ain't my first time at the rodeo, and I've been around the block more times than I'd like to admit, so my money is not on the whole "be positive and get PG" thing............ at all.