Sympathy Symptoms??

Okay-- I know this makes absolutely no sense at all, but for some reason I think I'm having "sympathy symptoms" from a year ago when I was PG at this time. It sounds absurd, this I know for sure, but I can't help but keep thinking this. I've been having nausea every morning from about 8 am til about noon (thats when my m/s was the worst when I was PG). My nips feel like they are on fire (again, how I felt when pg), I've been falling asleep on the couch at 7:30 at night(again, same as when I was PG) I've been having pinching/twinges down by my ovaries (same as when PG). Are you seeing a connection here? Do I think they are new PG symptoms? NOPE!!! We had poor timing this month, and it was another non-medicated cycle and I'm sure I don't "O" without meds. So I can only think that it is my sad brains' way of messing with me and and sadly clinging to what was a year ago.

Of course, as I previously wrote about, each day the past few weeks, have been filled with "last year at this time I was PG, and I remember feeling "this" and "that" on each day I was PG and happy. I remember all the happy emotions I felt and how tired I was, I even walked into a grocery store the other day, and as I walked by the greeting card aisle, I flashed back to one year ago, when DH and I stood there looking for a card, and I was gagging because something smelled so strong, I couldn't take it and had to leave the store.

What is it about my brain that I just can't seem to let go of these things?? It makes healing and moving on very difficult!!!

With each day that passes, and as I get close to the 1 year anniversary of the day I miscarried and our lives took a sad turn for the worse, I can't help but feel like I really haven't moved on and haven't healed. My heart still aches and feels quite empty. I feel like there will always be this gaping hole from the loss of my angel. It is filled with worry that I will never have a child. (again, of course all of this is compounded by the fact that we are on a break, so I'm feeling an amplified effect).

I wonder if I need to seek some professional help? Are my feelings natural and normal or am I truly having issues moving on? Even more so, do I need to move on? Obviously I can't stay stuck in this rut I feel I am in, but I also know based on my personality and traits, that I will never forget the angel I lost. I will never stop remembering even though we were PG for a rather short time. I will carry that emptiness with me always. When we lost our angel, I feel as though a part of my died too.

I wish some sort of divine intervention would shed some light down upon me and give me the answers I need. I've been driving myself insane for too long now, and feel as though this angst and hurt will never go away.

I don't deal well with loss at all (thats what happens when you dad passes away when you are 22 years old). I myself am not afraid of dying..... I do believe that there is so much more for us to experience when we are done here on earth, so much better stuff waiting. And that all the loved ones we've lost will be there waiting for us when we get there. What I am afraid of, is losing those I love and care about so deeply.

I think is all compounded by the fact that I don't really ever talk to anyone about how I feel. C. and I talk about this here and there, but I just can't bring myself to express my deepest fears and sadness. It seems to me its a big enough burden to carry myself, that I don't need to place any of that burden onto anyone else. I'm not depressed....... I'm very well aware of those S/S, and I don't fit the profile for depression (besides that, I don't feel I need another crutch such as an antidepressant. And I don't need anything to numb my feelings instead of healing them either).

I hate feeling so sad. I guess thats what it really boils down to.

S.A.D.