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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Sorry..... Its been a rotten few weeks....

Its been a really rotten past few weeks, to say the least!! Obviously I'm not PG, or there would have been a HUGE post about that well before now.

Three days before I was supposed to POAS, C. called me 5 mins after he left for work, telling me he had been in a really bad car accident and couldn't breath! I went running from the house and flew the mile and a half to the scene to find him sitting on the curb trying to catch a breath. His car was totalled after a 74 year old woman pulled out right in front of him at an intersection and he couldn't stop in time, and T-boned her. She was ticketed, we spent 10 hours in the ER after he was taken via Ambulance, and after he endured neck and back x-rays, knee and ankle xrays, a CT Scan of the upper body, followed by passing out in x-rays (round 2) and another CT Scan to make sure he didn't have any internal bleeding. Good times....... thank God he is okay....although was very beat up and is still healing now, 3 weeks later.

So fast forward to 12 DPO, where I was toying with POAS with FMU, and I went in to PIAC, wiped and whammo-- AF arrived, making it a lovely 27 day cycle. So on top of dealing with all the stress of C's accident and trying to take care of him, we got slammed with a BFFN on top of it all.

Bad luck you say?? HA!! Wait, I'm not done! After two days of crying about the BFN, we decide that will roll into another cycle (Cycle # 35 for anyone counting) as I've still been off from work due to my work injury. I called and scheduled my CD3 U/S, hop up on the table only to hear MORE great friggin' news...... I had a HUGE cyst on my Left Ovary, and my RE wouldn't allow me to cycle, put me on BCP's and was told call back when AF starts up next month. And of course, I of little strength at that point, started bawling right in the middle of the RE's office, and practically ran out the door to the car, where I proceeded to call C. and give him the bad news, and then I cried the entire 40 minute drive home!

So how is all that for a big old pile of shit ass rotten luck? I swear C. and I have some of the worst luck around by far, we just can't ever seem to catch a break.

I'm honestly so beat down about it all, I just want to once again run away somewhere I don't know anyone and hide away forever. I have slightly "up" days and some "downright shitty" days and some days where I feel like I'm just wandering.

I've really started to consider the adoption route as I don't know how much more of all this I can take emotionally. I'm about to turn 37 in 6 weeks and feel like time really and truly is running out. I got some information in the mail today from Bethany Adoption Agency, but I'm not sure they would be the way to go for us, and it clearly states in their information that you need to make a statement about your strong Christian Faith in your application. I kinda question my ability to do that, after how my faith has been so tried and beaten down throughout our Infertility Journey. I don't know.... I'd like to think that we have a couple more cycles of trying in us atleast, before money runs out (we are certainly in no postion right now to even consider IVF (financially) nor has either of my RE's mentioned the fact that they feel we are a candidate for IVF-- during my last IUI, Dr. S. said, "In my opinion, I think you guys have just had some really bad luck") .

I don't know-- today is just one of those really crappy days for me where I'd like nothing more than to run away and hide and never look back. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.....

3 comments:

Never forgetting Gregory said...

I am so sorry. It does sound like you have been crapped on lately. I'm glad your hubby is okay after the accident. Break cycles are the worst, especially when you don't see it coming. Just reading this makes me remember how freaking painful every month of TTTC is and I didn't even try as long as you. My heart breaks for you. I have to believe your luck will turn around...it just isn't fair that you have to deal with this in the first place.

Felicia said...

Hugs and support. I know that there are no words to make the pain go away. Just know that we can relate. I have had a rotten week myself, so staying positive has not been easy. Hope things look up soon.

Me said...

I know aaaallllll about bad luck. It is rough feeling like the universe is using your life as a toilet. ((HUGS))