Flashback Triggers.......

So my mind has been racing today, as I had plenty of time to mull things over and over and over on my 45 minute drive to my old RE to pick up my records, and then again on my 45 min drive back home. I didn't do myself any favors by reading my records in the car after I picked them up, because my struggle then just ran through my head over and over. Its amazing how when you are dealing with IF, it honest and truly consumes your entire life. It is a constant in my mind.

So, if my miscarriage and IF struggles weren't already weighing on my mind today, I went into the grocery store to get Craig a sub for his dinner. As I stood there waiting, my mind wandered. It wandered to the day after I found out we had no heartbeat when we went for our U/S and we were in the same store, grabbing a few things at the deli, while I was in limbo waiting to see if I'd m/c on my own. Well, I did, and it started right there in the grocery store. Craig was waiting to order, and I felt a gush and had to go running to the bathroom, and then and there my m/c started. I went running out to the car and sat on plastic grocery bags as I was worried about ruing the leather seats in our car. Its amazing how doing nothing (aka waiting in line to order a sub) triggered me back to the day I started m/c'ing and sent me through all the emotions of that day. I don't think I'll ever forget that day and I hope I don't ever have "that" day ever again!!!

So on a more positive note, my new RE appointment is tomorrow morning at 10am. I'm about to make a list of questions to ask my new RE and I'm very very hopeful for a step in the right direction. My new RE participates in alot of studies (inc. drug studies) so I'm praying this will be our saving grace treatment-wise (I have no med coverage except for my Metformin) so I hope and pray there will some help for us. I'm not getting any younger thats for sure--- I'll be 36 in May!!! Shit!!!

So I guess thats all, I'll update tomorrow after my appointment. Wish me Luck!!!!