IT'S TIME...I'm done with the crap!!

So, yesterday guess who came to visit? AF, that ugly wench showed her face once again. Was I really surprised?.............not really. As I said in another post, I wasn't totally sold on this cycle being "the one". Was I bummed out? TOTALLY. Did I shed a few tears? YOU BET. Then I manned up decided not to let this get me down and marched to the phone to call my RE's office to schedule my CD 3 baseline U/S.

Guess who I got on the phone again? The ASSHOLE U/S girl at my Dr.'s office. The same one I've been blogging about in previous posts. The one who is a bitch who says inappropriate things. The one who has pushed me to beyond the point of pissed off. I calmly tell her that I got AF and that I need to schedule my U/S for Sunday, CD3. She says, "sorry, but we absolutely do not do baselines on the weekends. You'll have to wait until Monday". Knowing I was going to get stuck talking to her, and this would once again be her programmed response, I calmly explained to her that anytime I have started Clomid later than CD3, I did not Ovulate that cycle, so I needed to start it on CD3. She again snottily replies "well-- it doesn't matter what day you start your clomid-- day 3, 4 or 5-- it will work." Now I'm getting pissed----- and startin' to get huffy, as if there is one thing I cannot stand is for someone to assume I don't know what I am talking about or that I don't "get it". (I think I know my body better than anyone else at this point in our IF journey and furthermore I've worked in the medical field all of my adult life-- like 17 years worth). So I say to the dumbass "Did you just hear what I said, you do understand English right?" to which she replies, "yes-- I heard you" to which I replied, "then don't tell me it doesn't make a difference!!!!" Finally she becomes willing to ask my Doctor and will call me back. By this point, I'm nearly shaking because I'm so fed up with this bitch and for that matter, my RE's entire office. She calls me back like 10 mins later, and says "I asked Dr. Tarantino and he's says it doesn't matter either what day you start your clomid--so we'll schedule you for Monday, CD4". So if I was pissed earlier, now I was quickly becoming livid. So I reply " I don't seem to understand why it is I've been getting such a rough time from you and the office scheduling U/S's the past few months. I can't come Monday, I have to work, just like you, and I can't loose my job." she continues to dance around it, and says "then come Tuesday etc. We do not do baselines on the weekend---Dr.'s rules!" I again remind her about the need to start Clomid on Day 3, and she completely will not budge....... finally I got so pissed off, that I said "YOU are un-freakin-believable!!!!!!!!!!!! " and slammed the phone down in her ear!!!!!!!! Then.............. I sobbed. Heartbroken, defeated, angry sobs. For 30 mins. I was in the process of making homemade sauce and meatballs, and I'm pretty sure I shed a tear or two in my meatballs. Then I became Angry.The tears stopped and instantly went into Fighter mode. I grabbed my laptop and frantically began searching for ways to obtain Clomid on the internet. If I could have possibly found a site that would have been able to get it to me by Sunday, I would have bought it, sparing no expense. The soonest I could get it was 7-10 days. Shot that idea down. Thats how desperate I was, I was going to try to get Clomid from Canada......or wherever.........

Then my anger turned to dertermination. I began my search for a new RE. I found one. He looks to be a kind soul. He takes my insurance (for what its worth diagnosis-wise). It appears as though they participate in alot of studies as well, which I am very hopeful for as my insurance will not pay for meds at all, nor will it pay for a single IUI etc. I will be calling first thing Monday to see how soon I can get an appointment. As much as I see this as a step in the right direction, it does bum me out that we will loose out on yet another cycle, and that totally bites, but I guess its time to do what is right. Craig and I talked this out (he actually wanted me to find a new RE after I had a m/c (due to the fact that my PCP, my GYN AND my RE all knew I was on Atenolol for Mitral Valve Prolapse-- it is a Category D med and can be harmful to women who are PG or are trying to become PG-- it can cause slow fetal development and slowed HR in fetus' as well---NO ONE TOOK ME OFF THE DRUGS THE ENTIRE TIME WE'VE BEEN TTC, NOR AFTER I GOT MY BFP. Did it cause our M/C, I believe so, although my RE says it had nothing to do with it) I didn't want to leave my current RE and have to start all over and figured I needed him to get PG again. (I should have listened to my heart, and called a lawyer). So we both really feel this is the right move to find a new RE. I am going to dedicate these next few coming weeks to focus on my diet, my renewed faith in God and keeping a positive attitude. Wish me Luck!!!!