"I Carry Your Heart"

So I came across this poem a while back (while watching "In her Shoes" I think it was ) and was moved by it then, and something made it pop back into my mind the other day again. I always thought it was about love for your mate.......plain and simple, but then when I re-read it, it made me think about my M/C and the little angel I lost. These words ring so true for my angel. I carry my little one in my heart. Everywhere I go, everything/everyone I see, I think about what my life should be like right now. I should have a nursery ready for our little one, I should only be a few months away from welcoming our angel into this world. I long for all these things so badly that it sometimes it hurts to breath. They always say Loss gets easier over time, but I don't really think I agree with that. Losing my baby is no easier today, than it was 4 1/2 months ago. I still cry when I'm alone, I get envious of others with adorable baby bellies, I still get angry that my baby was taken from me...........the only thing different about my emotions 4 1/2 months later, is that I've HAD to learn to cope with them in order to function each day. I'm not even PG again yet, and I worry constantly about the "what ifs" and the "I'm afraids" in regards to M/C. Sometimes it makes me sick to my stomach with worry.

Anyhow, I could go on all night about my pain, hurt, emotions of the M/C, but I won't! I'll end this blog how it started, with this poem by E.E. Cummings.


i carry your heart with me

I carry your heart with me(I carry it inmy heart)
I am never without it(anywherei go you go,my dear;
and whatever is doneby only me is your doing,my darling)
I fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
I want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the budand the sky of the sky
of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart(I carry it in my heart)
ee cummings