Memorial Garden

So, after I had my M/C, I received something very very special in the mail from my two Aunts and my two Cousins. It was the most beatiful garden angel with a little bird perched on its arm. (they know I love to garden, and thought it would be a special way to remember our little angel that went to heaven). I sobbed the day I got it. That was back in December. Up until yesterday, I still hadn't created a garden to put her in. Part of me didn't want to put her outside and expose her to the elements and I think deep down the other part of me was thinking that by creating this garden it would again drive home the finality of our loss. So, for the past 4 1/2 months, she has sat out on my lanai. Everytime I was out there, I'd stop, look at her, and think about the love and support I have from my family.

So, yesterday (Saturday) I hopped in the Jeep and headed off to Home Depot to shop for some special flowers to create my memorial garden. I agonized over each plant I picked for in there. I chose several different rose bushes, then would put each of them back, until I found a very pretty one that "felt" like the right one. I chose my colors carefully, only picking the ones that again, "felt" right. Then I headed over to Lowe's to check out their selection of flowers, and did the same thing with the rose bushes. I kept walking around and around all of them, and couldn't find one that "felt" right. Until finally I came back around (for the 3rd time) to find a very beautiful pink rose bush. I could smell it before I even picked it up. I knew it was meant for my garden. As I made my way to the register, several people commented on the beauty of that rose bush, stopping me to admire it and take a smell. It was so pretty, that it even stopped a few ladies in their tracks as I was making my way to my car. As they walked away, the girl said "Oh grandma-- that was soooo beautiful!! ! Wow!!" I smiled as I knew I had picked the right one. So I loaded up my new rose bush and the few other flowers I had bought, hopped in the car to head home. I made it to the edge of the parking lot, and started crying. The kind of cry that totally ambushes you, the kind you don't even feel coming on. I was flipping through the radio stations at a red light, and WHAMMO!!! I cried about how PG I should be right now **28 weeks** (too PG to be planting a garden), I cried about what was taken from me, I cried about the finality of creating this garden and what it represents. I cried.......... all the way home.

Needless to say, I got a grip, and created my garden yesterday. It is gorgeous. I love my garden angel and what she represents. And although my little angel is no longer growing in me, its spirit will be able to grow for years and years in the garden I have created. Today, I am at peace with my new memorial garden and am so pleased I created it. Everyday I will take time to admire and appreciate it in all beauty and meaning.