Digging Deep for Faith and Belief

So I finally got coverage at work so I can go to my U/S tomorrow (the CD15 one where I find out if I trigger tomorrow night or not). (I almost wasn't able to find coverage, and was actully contemplating just doing my trigger shot without the U/S --I know, not the best idea, but the thought of wasting another cycle after our two month forced break seemed unthinkable-- I probably still would have done it if I thought my RE wouldn't find out and drop me as a patient if he did find out........) Luckily, I don't have to go there.

For some reason, I'm almost afraid to have any interest in this cycle, like if I have interest, then I have to have hope and I'm so afraid of being disappointed with a failed cyle. I guess its like riding a bike, as they say, if you fall off, you have to get back up, get back on and keep riding.

So I'm really struggling, trying to dig deep for some faith that this cycle will be once again our "Lucky" cycle and we'll soon know we're on the road to a baby again. Then my battle with faith and belief will turn to stress about m/c'ing again. It just seems to be a never ending roller coaster!!!

Please oh Please, let this be the cycle my sadness and loss fade a little and some joy re-enters my life.