Well.....the U/S blew!!!

So we went for my CD 15 U/S on Weds (I barely made it to the office in Tampa on time after flying out of work). So I get in the exam room for the U/S, and 2 sonographers come in.....one I think may be new there, and not very experienced. Well, much to my surprise, I was nowhere near ready to Trigger...... they said I had "lots of Follicles" but none of them were near mature enough.....my largest was 13 mm....gotta be atleast 19 mm to Trigger........shit.......shit........shit!!!!

I cannot believe this!!! The cycle I got PG, I was ripe and ready to trigger on CD 15......... SO, now I have to go back AGAIN on Saturday for another U/S (another friggin' copay-- twice in one week)Geez........ and hope and pray my ass off that I have a Follie that has developed and is mature enough....... I still can't believe it!!!!

I guess God doesn't think I've been through enough in the past few months, that he now wants to test me by making things "off" with my cycle......... I just don't get it!!!! The thought that I've wasted 3 copays/office visits in one month, and $100 of medications for the month really tweaks me........... the thought of the mere possibility of having to sit out another cycle is.........well........ devistating to me..... I don't know.

My entire day at work today and thru the evening has been me trying to rationalize whats going on, trying to keep myself calm, and most importantly trying to stay positive. I'm really holding out hope that I'll have a well developed follie.

I think what is weighing heaviest on my mind is the fact that I'm paranoid that the new sonographer girl could have missed a better developed follie than the 13 mm one, and that I infact should have triggered Weds night. As always my mind is filled with what ifs, and I hopes, and I'm scared thats, its just all so overwhelming sometimes. I wish there was an easier way to deal and cope with the shit life that is Infertility.

Oh well........ my head is tired and my heart is heavy