Giddy with Excitement!!

No.....I'm not PG!!! I wish I had that wonderful joyous news to spread to all. (although I believe with all my heart that that good news will be coming in the near future. I have to believe that!!!!)

I made a very exciting purchase tonight. I have wanted to learn how to play accoustic guitar for what seems like FOREVER!!!! For the past probably 8 of the 9 1/2 years C. and I have been together, every time a gift giving holiday was coming around (Christmas, Birthdays, Anniversaries etc) C would always ask me what I wanted.....my reply..... AN ACCOUSTIC GUITAR of course!!!

Well, needless to say I never got one! In C's defense, he is a musician, and his inclination was always to not buy me a cheap guitar that would fall out of tune all the time or that would sound like crap, just to appease me so I'd have my guitar. Other times we'd set gift giving $ limits on our purchases to avoid overspending, so those times were out too.

A few weeks ago, C. and I stopped at a big music store about 30 mins from where we live, where we both walked around drooling (me over all the pretty accoustic guitars and C. over the electronic drum set he's dying to buy). We both walked out empty handed that night knowing we really should save our money for our next IUI cycle.

Fast forward to tonight. I was shopping online and I came across a really great deal on an Ibanez Accoustic Guitar........AND I BOUGHT IT!!!!!!!!!!

Now I'm bursting at the seams and can hardly wait for it to arrive (which will hopefully be in a few days, as I believe it will ship from right here in Florida)

Of course, now I'm having the internal battle with myself, and I feel like I should have saved the money and put it towards our next IUI cycle (which will be the end of February), but we do have the money tucked away for our next IUI and I have all the meds I need for the cycle already. Plus we'll be getting our Income tax checks back in the not too distant future, and I always get a really decent return (I have extra money taken out of each paycheck and end up with a bigger return--its like an extra little savings account that I don't even think about). Plus, I should be getting a bonus check in March as well, so I'm not going to keep beating myself up over my purchase.

With all the crappy things I've dealt with over the last 33 cycles of Infertility, I deserve this little bit of joy that this guitar is going to bring me!!!

Stay tuned for the adventures that are sure to come on my way to becoming a Rock Star!!!!!!

Don't forget to check out the post below this one for information on my "Giving Back" project with the free "HOPE" bracelet. I'll be taking entries until Tuesday Jan. 27th, so be sure to read on about it!!

Giving Back.......

So I've been toying with this idea for about a week now, and I have decided to do it!

Over the last 8 months or so, there have been many people who have been generous enough to share donated meds with me to help me out on our journey and I am so beyond grateful that there have been so many people who have been so gracious to think of others both during their own personal journeys as well as after finding success. So due to their kindness towards me, I feel I needed to find a way to "Pay It Forward".

so in order to do that, I've decided to give something to someone who could use a little hope during their struggles Whether it be someone who needs a little hope and support while they are TTC, struggling with Loss, or an illness.....it's really open to anyone who needs a little hope in there life right now and needs to know they are not alone.

So here is what I am going to do!

I make custom made jewelry as a side business (the link is http://zencreations.synthasite.com/ if your interested in taking a peek)(all the money I make from my wares goes towards our IF treatments (we are out of Pocket for treatments) in trying to achieve our goal of having a family).

I am going to give away a piece of jewelry!!! A handmade, custom-sized Bracelet!! The Bracelet you see at the top of this post ! (it is made with Rose Quartz and Moonstone chips and has a little "hope" charm that dangles from it and it has a toggle clasp)

Here are the rules to be in the running for the giveaway!

1. Leave me a comment after this post. In your comment, tell me of your journey and why having a "Hope" bracelet would help me with your journey. (You can get as involved or non-involved as you want with your details, how much you share is up to you).

2. Be sure I have a way to contact you, incase you are the winner (either with a link in your blog that will take me to your email, or post your email where I can reach you!)

3. I will take entries until Tuesday January 27th and will then go through them all and will pick a winner of the "Hope" bracelet. The winner will be contacted via email, and we will discuss wrist size, etc so that the bracelet is custom made to fit YOU!

Once the entries are complete I will announce the winner here in my blog, so be sure to check back for updates!

Jenn

Today Kicks off ICLW Week!

If you are here from ICLW, Welcome! (and even if you aren't, Welcome to you too!)

I have joined in this a few times in the past, but somehow I always seemed to have a hard time commenting back to poeple on their blogs. I don't know why. I think maybe its because I feel like I don't know the persons' blog I am reading, and I don't want to say the wrong thing, or say something one would think is too personal or pressing.

So this time, I'm going into it with a different outlook and I've already completed six comments for today on various blogs. Two of those blogs made me cry. I always think to myself that I have it really tough, and that I just can't seem to get many breaks in this life. Then I read the journeys and struggles of others, and am reminded that there are others suffering just as much, if not more than I may be.

I am deeply touched by others' journeys, and I wish none of us had to go through pain or suffering or struggle. My parents always taught me that anything worth having is worth working and fighting for. Each day that goes by, and I get a wee bit older, I really appreciate that more and more. Nothing has ever been handed to me, I've always had to work really hard for the things I have achieved in my life. I am proud of that hard work, and am glad that I have "earned" the things I do have in my life.

I have a very loving, caring family. I have an awesome husband who truly loves me more than anything. I have three fabulous fur babies, who bring me such happiness, that I can't imagine not having them in my life. We have a home and cars and food on our table for us and for my furbabies. We both have secure jobs. I guess the only thing missing, of course is a child. We continue to struggle towards that, but I do believe our time is coming for that. I know in my heart that God does not intend for us to be childless. One way or another, we will be parents.

We swore in a new President yesterday and how exciting is that? I had tears in my eyes seeing so many Americans waving their flags, full of hope and belief in Obama and in our country. It feels good to see our country with some renewed faith that things are going to get better. It has renewed my faith as well.

So, here is looking up. Lets all hope and pray that 2009 is a much better year for all of us!!

My Heart Still Aches!

So, over on the TTTC board, I kept trying to fix my siggy as part of the code for my M/C siggy kept showing, no matter how I tried to fix it (and of course for some reason, I kept getting more and more nervous that I was somehow going to completly erase the Loss counter, and I guess in my mind I thought that would mean I'd forget how long it'd been since we lost our little one--- I know, I know, we won't ever forget, but as a person dealing with IF and M/C for a long time now, you panic and get crazy about the silliest little things).
So, I created a new counter, loaded the new code into my siggy, and checked a previous post to see if it all worked correctly, and as soon as I saw it, I started bawling!!!!!!!!
My old counter had an angel and a little teddy bear I think, (this proves my neurosis-- I just got rid of the old one and I can't even remember what the graphics were on it, however I was petrified of loosing it). The new one, as you can see above, has an actual little baby on it as the counter marker..... I guess looking at a little bity wee one instead of just a countdown of days was a big smack of reality.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about the little one we lost. To this day, for some reason I am still convinced it was a little boy, our little Aiden Richard (Richard after my dad who passed away). My heart aches daily for our little one. If we hadn't suffered a m/c, our little one would be six months old right now!!!
Instead, here I sit, with empty arms, an aching heart and tears rolling down my face in the middle of the afternoon.

I just don't know. I have other things on my mind I want to write about, but I guess I'll save them for another day or another blog and let my angel have this post all to himself.

I love you little one, your footprints are on my heart forever and always.

Common Thread.....

So I've been a busy bee and I've finally launched my handmade jewelry website!!!! For anyone interested, its:

http://zencreations.synthasite.com/

Anyhow-- one of my pieces that I've just created is called the Common Thread IF bracelet.

Here is a little explanation how the Common Thread bracelet got started, borrowed from Stir-Up Queens Blog (here is a link to that blog-- I'm aweful with making clickable links, so forgive me if it doesn't work: http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2006/09/history-of-infertilitys-common-thread.html

For anyone who has ever had a miscarriage, struggled with pregnancy, and all things infertile...there is a movement upon us that you might want to join. It's rather simple actually: a discreet ribbon on your right wrist to signal to others that they are not alone in their struggles.Pomegranates, a longstanding symbol of fertility, serve as a strong analogy to those suffering through infertility. Though each pomegranate skin is unique in colour and texture, the seeds inside are remarkably similar from fruit to fruit. Though our diagnosis is unique—endometriosis, low sperm count, luteal phase defect, or causes unknown—the emotions, those seeds on the inside, are the same from person to person. Infertility creates frustration, anger, depression, guilt, and loneliness. Compounding these emotions is the shame that drives people suffering from infertility to retreat into silence.In addition, the seeds represent the multitude of ways one can build their family: natural conception, treatments, adoption, third-party reproduction, or even choosing to live child-free.

The pomegranate thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through A.R.T., families created through adoption, or couples trying to conceive during infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility.Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware.

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I designed this particular "Common Thread" bracelet as a way to pass that "signal" along to others. I feel that this bracelet symbolizes that common thread perfectly while being adorned with two Rose Quartz stones and a Jade Stone centered perfectly on the bracelet.

Rose quartz is a soothing, calming crystal that is known to promote love and healing. It helps to bring clarity to the heart.
Jade encourages practicality, wisdom, mental peace and tolerance of others. They also believe it can rejuvenate during periods of stress, reduce fears, banish negative thoughts and increase a person’s capacity for giving and receiving love. Jade makes a good worry stone and is often used in rosaries.

If you are interested in one, please visit my new website where you can easily order one!!

I'm honestly not looking to make a ton of money off of these Common Thread Bracelets, I actually decided to try to sell them in an effort to help others (and so often I see others looking for them but arent crafty or would rather have the convenience of just buying one already made).

So there is my self promoting post for the day!!! LOL