Its Mothers Day.........

Well, its Mothers Day today, I should be 31 1/2 weeks Pregnant right now, and I should be waddling around with anticipation when my little one will arrive (my EDD was July 13th). Instead I am sitting here, dwelling on the fact that I am so far away from that right now, and it really and truly sucks !!!!! Its so unfair that I and so many other women want nothing more from life right now than to be PG. My birthday is a week from Tuesday (the 20th) and people keep asking me what I want for my birthday, and I want to holler that all I want for my B-day is a baby, or to atleast be PG again with a healthy, lasting Pregnancy. Everything else just seems so trivial and small, like it doesn't matter. Do I want DVD's or CD's or books or clothing for my birthday.....no!!!!!!!! I don't care about any of it.

The harsh reality here, is that I'm knocking on 36's door, and I ask myself every minute of everyday, when will I get my chance?? When will it be my turn. What if I don't get my chance?? Then what will we do??

Its so overwhelming and I'm sure alot of my emotions are multipled right now, compliments of daily injections to try to get me PG. It seems every waking moment all I can think about is "are these meds working?" "when will I get to trigger?, will it be sooner than my most recent disaster cycles on Clomid?" What it comes down to is a neverending stream of "What if's when's, how's and most of all I hopes". Its mentally exhausting to say the least.

I also now more than ever find myself constanting asking God for help with our cause. I can''t tell you how many times a day I say "Please let this work!!" When I say it I guess I'm not really directing it at anyone specifically, but when I really think about it, I guess I'm directing it towards God. I am putting all of my trust and hope and faith in Him and I hope that this time he comes through for us.

Other than that, the Bravelle is going well, last night was Day 5, and like all the other nights, it was uneventful (besides the stinging and burning that lasts for 10 mins after I do each injection) Tonight will be shot # 6 and then tomorrow moning I go for U/S monitoring and bloodwork. Those will determine what meds I'll continue to take. My hope is for maybe another two days of Bravelle and then go time with a little luck!!! I'll be sure to keep all posted here.

I should finish this up, my mom will be coming over shortly to celebrate Mothers Day with us, we'll have a nice dinner, tons of laughs as always and good times. I just wish that I were celebrating our sucess too. For now, I'll have to spend the day appreciating my Mother for the outstanding woman she is, and always has been, I've always said "If I can be 1/2 the mother to my child that my mother was/is to me, I'll be a thriving success as a parent." I pray I'll get that chance very soon.